What Do We Say To Our Sons About Rape?

Since SPEAK was published in 1999, I’ve had countless conversations about rape. I’ve talked to survivors and rapists, counselors, police, teachers, librarians, and teenagers… lots of teenagers.

But I’ve rarely talked with the parents of boys about this.

Why is that?

I suspect it’s because most people are decent and they cannot imagine their boy committing rape. It’s easier (and emotionally safer) to think of rapists as that stranger waiting in the bushes with a gun.

They are wrong.

A whooping 73% of sexual assaults are committed by someone that the victim knows.

44% of sexual assault victims are under age 18.

If parents shy away from talking to their sons about rape, they are failing their sons.

I’ve never met a teenage boy who knew that when a girl is under the influence of alcohol or drugs she is not capable of giving informed consent to sexual activity. Teaching our sons about what sexual assault is and all of the reasons they shouldn’t do it makes the world a safer place for everyone.

(I talked about this more in this article.)

If you think it’s awkward talking to your son about this at the kitchen table, imagine how much harder it would be if he were in jail.

Here is how one mother started the conversation with her son about consent and rape. And the editors of The Good Men Project wrote a guide to teaching kids of all ages about consent.

(Do you have other resources to share?)

Talk to your boys. Talk to your whole family. And then please make a $10 donation to RAINN, the best organization for victims of sexual assault. RAINN helps victims turn into survivors.

When we speak up, we make the world a better place.

April 5, 2013

Want me to critique your manuscript?

You read that right.

But there’s a catch. There’s always a catch. When it comes to me and manuscript critiques, that catch usually involves donating to a worthy cause.

Like RAINN.

From now until April 11th, you can bid to have me critique up to 300 pages of your manuscript. I usually only offer to critique 30 pages and a synopsis. I am willing to critique ten times that much because this is a cause near and dear to my heart.

What does RAINN do? In a nutshell, RAINN helps victims of sexual violence turn into survivors. It operates the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1.800.656.HOPE and the National Sexual Assault Online Hotline at rainn.org, educates the public about sexual violence; and leads national efforts to prevent sexual violence, improve services to victims and ensure that rapists are brought to justice.

RAINN is all about speaking up. This month I’m leading the SPEAK4RAINN campaign to raise money for the group so they can help even more. After you put in your bid, please, please drop by the site and donate $10. Or, if you want a signed book from me, donate $75. Or, if you just won the lottery, donate $1,000,000. Your donation is completely deductible and goes to the people who need it most.

Thank you for helping sexual assault victims speak up!

April 4, 2013

Speaking up for RAINN

I am very happy to announce that Macmillan (SPEAK’s publisher) and I have partnered with RAINN (America’s best anti-sexual violence organization) to create the SPEAK4RAINN campaign!

How can you help? (I’m so glad you asked!)

Donate $10. (Look for the red donation button on the right)

Get your students involved. Have them enter the “How SPEAK Spoke To Me” Creative Contest.

OR!

Fundraise in your school for a chance to have me come and give a free school visit.

All month long I will be sharing information about ways to reduce the amount of sexual violence. If we all speak up and remember to listen, we can change the world.

September 23, 2012

Simply Sunday Catch-Up

This week’s Simply Saturday comes to you on Sunday. It’s been that kind of week!

The first piece of news is for anyone who teaches Speak! Victor Malo-Juvera, who has taught Speak for years, researched and wrote his dissertation about how using Speak in the classroom changed his students’ attitudes about rape myths. He has generously written a summary for my website, and allowed me to link to his full dissertation. If you need data to take to your curriculum director or the chair of your English department, Victor has it waiting for you.

We’ve had a Barred Owl hooting in the Forest this week.

I prefer to call it a Bard Owl and imagine that it is composing sonnets.

Sheila May-Stein, the new librarian at Pittsburgh’s Manchester PreK-8 school, was horrified to learn that her library had a grand total of 40 useable fiction books. She is using the power of social media to make sure that her students have the number and kinds of books that they deserve. I’m putting a box of books for them in the mail tomorrow. If you want to donate, send the books to Sheila May-Stein, Library, Pittsburgh Manchester PreK-8, 1612 Manhattan St., Pittsburgh, PA 15233. Even easier, you can order books to be sent directly to the school via Sheila’s Amazon Wish List. A longer blog post gives more information.

You guys know that I have a very good relationship with my first husband, Greg. He runs a software company that makes patient management software for pediatricians. As part of his company’s charitable mission, Greg coordinates free health clinics in Jamaica, bringing down doctors, nurses, and medicine, and working with local medical teams to take these resources to where they are most needed on the island. Greg made this brief video about this year’s trip that I thought you might enjoy. We’re all very proud of him and the good work that he does.

I’m headed West on Thursday so I can speak to the Arizona English Teachers Association. Will I see you there?

September 16, 2012

Save A Boob, Win A Shirt

My daughter Meredith and I are walking in the Susan G. Koman 3-Day, 60-mile walk in Philadelphia in a few weeks. Meredith needs help to complete her fundraising.

Some people don’t want to contribute because in January, the Komen Foundation nearly cut off funding to Planned Parenthood’s Breast Health Services Project, which provides free breast exams to uninsured and underinsured women. When this went public, a furor ensued. I wrote to each member of the Komen Foundation’s Board of Directors. I’ve donated a lot to Komen over the years and I live in a community with thousands and thousands of women who rely on Planned Parenthood for breast health services. If Komen wouldn’t help poor women get breast health care, then I would no longer help Komen.

I was not alone in that sentiment.

Komen rescinded the decision to withdraw funding. They now give as much to Planned Parenthood’ Breast Health Services Project as they did before the uproar. Planned Parenthood received so much in donations as a result of the publicity, they just started a new breast health initiative to expand coverage of breast cancer screenings and education. There was also a shake-up of the leadership at the Komen Foundation.

So I’m still walking. And donating.

If it is in your heart (and budget) to help, I have a deal for you.

Donate at least $30 to Meredith’s walk and I’ll send you a free Mad Woman In The Forest Tee-Shirt.

When you donate, put your name (or a made-up name) that will show up in Honor Roll of Donors on Meredith’s fundraising page. Or take a screenshot of your receipt. Email me either proof of your donation at madwomanintheforest AT gmail DOT com. Please include what size tee-shirt you want, and what your mailing address is. I can’t guarantee the color, but if you want me to sign the shirt, please let me know.

Save a boob, get a shirt. Got it?