You know what would be cool?

That’s a key question in The Forest. When my husband or I start out a conversation with "You know what would be cool?" it generally means that something fairly cool is about to happen.

Like…. a writing cottage will be built.

Or we take up chicken farming. You get the picture.

So when we were planning for our son’s graduation celebration and my husband said "You know what would be cool?" I knew the fun was about to begin.

He took a deep breath.

"It would be cool to have a real pig roast," he said. "In the backyard."

"With a pig," I said.

"That’s sort of the point," he said.

"How do we do that?" I asked.

"I have no idea," he said, "but we’ll figure it out."

("We’ll figure it out" is our family motto.)

***NOTE – Vegetarians and vegans probably want to stop reading now. ***

After clearing out some space with a skid-steer, he set up this, the basic foundation for the pig-roasting device.

  Then he built some more stuff. I’m sure there is a more technical term than "stuff" but I don’t know what it is.

OK, turn your head to the side to see this. It’s the motor and some other stuff.  The info BH found said we would need a quarter-horsepower motor. ::cues the Tim the Toolman Taylor theme music:: BH used a full one-horsepower motor. MORE POWER!!!!

He knew a guy who knew a guy who hooked us up with a six-foot long steel pole, sharpened at one end, and some sharp pointy things, in exchange for beer.

  Turn your head again. See that big gear wheel at the top that is attached to the coupling (like that technical term?)? It used to turn the clothing rack in a dry cleaning shop. BH knew a guy who knew a guy who knew a guy who helped take apart the dry-cleaning shop. We got the gear wheel. In exchange for beer, I’m fairly certain.

  So here it is, a redneck rotisserie that we dubbed FRANKENSPIT. The motor was wired up to the electrical panel in the house. The juice turned up the motor, the motor turned the gear wheel which in turn spun the spit upon which was placed

**** Vegetarians – I TOLD you to stop reading!!***

  Sixty pounds of pork.

(I TOLD you!!)

  The cooking process required constant observation by a team of Frankenspit experts.

Who decided that the salt potatoes would taste best if boiled over the blast furnace better known as a turkey-fryer.

Frankenspit kept turning and cooking.

Until it was time to feast. Which we did. In abundance, because this is the fourth and final kid of ours to graduate high school and go off to college. (The Rochester Institute of Technology, if you are interested.)

And then, of course, came the moment that, with hindsight, might have been the reason BH cooked up this scheme in the first place.

  He got to act out a few pages from "Lord of the Flies."

19 Replies to “You know what would be cool?”

  1. I went to RIT, it’s a great school. I hope he enjoys his time there as much as I did(and you should definitely hit up a hockey game, they’re the best!)

  2. Wow. Definitely cool! Some people would just go out and rent a thing to do the roast. Your way is so much more fun! My two favorite parts: The photo of the Frankenspit experts hard at work and the Lord of the Flies re-enactment! Excellent!

  3. And…I’m hoping the Frankenspit experts were enjoying beer while they so expertly took their challenge!

  4. You have SO made my day! If there are any edible parts leftover (ha!), you’ll have to make scrapple.

    Congrats to the youngest. I can hardly wait to see what comes up in HIS future, because he has the same creative gleam in his eye as his dad.

  5. How is it the Frankenspit experts have no beers in hand? All traded awa, I presume. And where, oh where, is the video of the Lord of the Flies re-enactment? O-o-o-o-o, now THAT would be cool (as is this entire post. 🙂 )

  6. Wow! My husband’s motto has always been “more power” as well! Really, really cool! We did one many years ago, although the Frankenspit definitely makes yours the winner!

  7. piggy!

    What wonderful family memories! It sounds like something my family would do. When my siblings and I visit my parents’ house, we invariably wind up raising a new gardening bed for my mom or sawing and trimming their fruit trees. The “Lord of the Flies” bit is both glorious and terrifying 🙂 Beautiful, tasty work! ~ Emily (who got to see you at NCTE last November!)

  8. Looks delicious! I bet it was better than the pork pockets from the Ren Fest. 😛 Scot really looks like he’s ‘hamming’ it up for the “Lord of the Flies” bit, too. (Sorry, couldn’t help myself. I am my father’s daughter. Hehehe.)

    And woo-hoo for RIT! I would also recommend the hockey games. They’re rowdy, crazy, and awesome.

    Little Q.

  9. “This head is for the beast. It’s a gift” The only line I could remember. BH

  10. this slays me!

    on another note: I just read Wintergirls. It was my 2nd attempt. The first time I felt very uncomfortable revisiting an time in my own life when I struggled with anorexia. So, I read Speak instead. And I came here to your blog. And I followed along and began to trust you. I finished the book yesterday. I think it is a brilliant piece of writing – I am still thinking about it. I have a 15 year old daughter who is a dancer. She does not have a ballerina’s body – she is more a modern powerhouse… she is constantly worried – so far we have managed to navigate through this mindfield… but, I still worry.


  11. My favorite picture is the one where the three of them are sitting around it.. relaxed. It just made me laugh because of how it all got started and BAM.. there it is. 🙂

    See.. you can do anything you put your mind to!

  12. Woohoo!

    That’s so awesome! I remember when I graduated high school. Six years later, I’m graduating from my university! I wish we could have a Frankenspit at my party. Instead we’re going to the Oregon Coast, which I am extremely happy about. Can we say “crab”?! And “WFMAD”?! I am so excited!

    Congratulations on the last high school graduate!!! 🙂

  13. Melissa from YABookShelf says, “I Am A Vegetarian, But I Think This Is Cool Too”

    Don’t get me wrong, I don’t plan on ever partaking of pork (or any other type of meat) again after 8 years as a vegetarian, but I think that it’s really cool that your husband could make something like this (and the writer’s cottege, which is of course insanely cool). Kinda jealous since living in a big city apartment in Montreal, Canada doesn’t exactly permit the making of writer’s cottages and other such things. 🙂

    Congratulations to your family and especially to your son!

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