That’s a key question in The Forest. When my husband or I start out a conversation with "You know what would be cool?" it generally means that something fairly cool is about to happen.
Like…. a writing cottage will be built.
Or we take up chicken farming. You get the picture.
So when we were planning for our son’s graduation celebration and my husband said "You know what would be cool?" I knew the fun was about to begin.
He took a deep breath.
"It would be cool to have a real pig roast," he said. "In the backyard."
"With a pig," I said.
"That’s sort of the point," he said.
"How do we do that?" I asked.
"I have no idea," he said, "but we’ll figure it out."
("We’ll figure it out" is our family motto.)
***NOTE – Vegetarians and vegans probably want to stop reading now. ***
After clearing out some space with a skid-steer, he set up this, the basic foundation for the pig-roasting device.
Then he built some more stuff. I’m sure there is a more technical term than "stuff" but I don’t know what it is.
OK, turn your head to the side to see this. It’s the motor and some other stuff. The info BH found said we would need a quarter-horsepower motor. ::cues the Tim the Toolman Taylor theme music:: BH used a full one-horsepower motor. MORE POWER!!!!
He knew a guy who knew a guy who hooked us up with a six-foot long steel pole, sharpened at one end, and some sharp pointy things, in exchange for beer.
Turn your head again. See that big gear wheel at the top that is attached to the coupling (like that technical term?)? It used to turn the clothing rack in a dry cleaning shop. BH knew a guy who knew a guy who knew a guy who helped take apart the dry-cleaning shop. We got the gear wheel. In exchange for beer, I’m fairly certain.
So here it is, a redneck rotisserie that we dubbed FRANKENSPIT. The motor was wired up to the electrical panel in the house. The juice turned up the motor, the motor turned the gear wheel which in turn spun the spit upon which was placed
**** Vegetarians – I TOLD you to stop reading!!***
Sixty pounds of pork.
(I TOLD you!!)
The cooking process required constant observation by a team of Frankenspit experts.
Who decided that the salt potatoes would taste best if boiled over the blast furnace better known as a turkey-fryer.
Frankenspit kept turning and cooking.
Until it was time to feast. Which we did. In abundance, because this is the fourth and final kid of ours to graduate high school and go off to college. (The Rochester Institute of Technology, if you are interested.)
And then, of course, came the moment that, with hindsight, might have been the reason BH cooked up this scheme in the first place.
He got to act out a few pages from "Lord of the Flies."